I look at the picture my best friend gave me for Christmas 2 years ago.  It was one I had intended on hanging in the apartment I was living in part time as part of trying to get myself to a point of a finalized divorce, though it never did feel right in there, nor did the timing feel quite right for how deeply I truly was inspired by the quote.  Going back through past blogs I can see things so much more clearly and have such a deep appreciation for where I am at and what I have at this moment that cannot be described.  In many ways, it is strange to say that it is because of the past men in my life, along with a family situation that was just as dysfunctional as the next, though was trying enough for me to be proud for many of my choices I have made to be where I’m at.

“The End Is Just A New Beginning”

There is no real way to put all of the thoughts and reflections down in just one sitting, but these profound thoughts have brought me to realize that I have never truly looked forward to celebrating ending one year and bringing in the new on a good start as I do right now.  I have learned enough to say that I am truly happy in my life, and while I had to end things with some people in my life, including family, with some very harsh realities of where I intended to be in my life.  I spoke about the authentic life I was in that really was full with pain and efforts that were apparently enough as I made stride in moving away from much negativity, loneliness, and prolonged pain, which I said, as well as proved in different ways, that were harsh and continued on that path until I had to take the final plunge and cut away from what was dragging my soul from finding serenity in more things.  Unfortunately, I had drawn out their pain by trying to avoid the truth so much that it almost became a self fulfilling prophecy, as I took on a new path and became more independent and outspoken by becoming totally honest with myself, as well as them, in all that I did and said.

It is because of the first steps I took many years ago which are scattered here and there, and they have made me so much stronger than I ever thought, and even with the emotional lows of the past year, I have found so much happiness and serenity in the last 6 months when a lightbulb clicked inside me, and things finally moved to the side of knowing that there was so much more to hope for if I just looked at it in a new way and focus on that new beginning.  I think 2014 is going to end up being one more year to add to the best of my life because I choose to focus on being healthier and more fulfilling as I will continue on a path of such amazing things, and I actually have faith that I won’t be held back like that again.

I hope that in a strange way, it is because of each person’s choices and efforts when I finally knew and said I was truly done, that I can appreciate being who I am in a way that they never let me be without ridicule of some sort.